Hey,
Can you believe it been more than a year since you’ve been gone? More than a year without your presence. Everyone’s lives came to a halt that day. I never honestly imagined that you would die one day. I think that’s the hardest part of this all to grasp. You’re gone forever. No more laughs, no more arguments, no more anything. I see you occasionally, and I want you to know that I notice. Little pieces of you show up everywhere I go, wherever I am, and I can’t be more grateful for that.
I admit that I get scared when I think about you sometimes. I get afraid because I am slowly forgetting what you’re like. I can’t remember what your laugh sounds like, or even what your voice sounds like sometimes. Day after day, I tried to train my brain to remember all of these things about you, but it seems that they have their own way of fading.
I look back on our childhood and all of the silly things we would do together. There was always an understanding between the two of us. You know how it is when you lose someone, the stage of regret and the feeling that you could have done something more never really goes away. Regarding how you gone, there wasn’t much more than anyone could have done, but the thought is always there. What if I could have gone back a year ago and talked to you more? What if I didn’t leave too soon that last night from the hospital? What if, what if, what if. Out of all of this, It always sorrows that I was not there with you on your last day. Watching you take your last breaths on video call was never part of my thoughts. A lot of people came to see you one last time to you at your funeral, but I didn’t have much courage to see you and say the last bye to you.
I miss you every single day, and I wish you were still here. You will always be my sister. I love you with all of my heart, and I will see you again someday.